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September 21, 2005

Chicken Curse in Detail (from The State)

The following letter gives the world's greatest insight into the history of the Chicken Curse. It details the power of The Curse to destroy the Gamecock program and ruin lives. It was written by a Gamecock fan (more details below) and published in The State newspaper shortly after Lou Holtz was named the head coach of the Gamecocks.

To the Editor:

I feel sorry for poor Lou. He doesn't realize what he has gotten into. As a diehard Gamecock and ardent Lou Holtz fan, I was as ecstatic as anyone when the announcement became official. But then I realized, unfortunately, that Lou won't remain at USC for very long.

No, I'm not talking about the rumors of son Skip assuming the mantle in a few years. I'm talking about the all-too-real Chicken Curse. Lou WILL turn the program around. Lou WILL win games. Then Lou will die.

The Chicken Curse does not like to be flouted. Most USC coaches have read the scriptures and learned early on--win in moderation. Sparse success is permitted. Consistency will only raise the ire of the great Chicken. Joe Morrison chose to defy the Curse, and he paid the ultimate price.

In the Great Volumes of the Curse, in the Book of Cursemiah, Chapter 3 it reads: "Thou shalt not flout the Great Foul. He is a jealous foul, and shall heap tumultuous suffering upon wayward brethren. Therefore, reside ye in blessed mediocrity."

Chapter 12 details the tragic history of the one man who chose to ignore the warning: "The Great Winged One didst grant King Joe of Blacknessia the Season of Prosperity. But King Joe looked forward with greed. He taunted the All-Mighty Bird with successive octa-victory harvests. And the Great Chicken didst rise up and smite him dead."

Unfortunately, Lou Holtz is a man of drive and determination. He will instill in our young men motivation and a winning attitude. He will succeed.

Then he will meet the great Cockaloonda in the sky. Skip Holtz will be devastated by the loss of his father, and will be unable to coach. USC will then faithfully resume it's predestined mission of mediocrity.

Thank you, Lou, for risking your life for the good ol' University of South Carolina.


Cliff Springs
Gamecock Fan

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As stated above, Cliff Springs, co-founder and president of Genesis Creative and an old friend of mine, wrote this letter shortly after Lou was hired. After it was published by The State, portions of it were later read by Lou Holtz at a Gamecock press conference. It was also referenced on ESPN College Gameday. Cliff sent it to me years ago, and with his permission I'm republishing it now. Cliff didn't predict everything right...which was good for Lou Holtz' family. But it's still very funny. I only wish I had published it before the South Carolina vs. Georgia Game.


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