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December 3, 2005

SEC Teams as Simpson Characters: Retort to Hey, Jenny Slater

"The bogart of bogarts
is to steal from a man who has stolen."
-- Gandhi

Doug at Hey, Jenny Slater said found this pic via Eagle in Atlanta and used it as the foundation for Doug's own Simpsons analysis/comparison of SEC and National teams of interest.

Original ACC Version (click to enlarge):

Doug stated:
"I did what every good blogger would do and bogarted ideas from blogs...Herewith, your field guide to the Southeastern Conference (and a bunch of other teams besides), as explained via the cosmology of "The Simpsons"

Anyway, Doug asked for comments, additions or changes to his masterpiece, so the Georgia Sports Blog called in its resident Simpsons Guru for a retort. Below is Law Dawg's analysis (No...the other Law Dawg).

Georgia: Bart Simpson
Slightly underachieving, constantly wears a lot of red, and ready to condescend towards others at a moment's notice.
Bart: "Mom, can we go Catholic so we can get communion wafers and booze?"

South Carolina: Milhouse Van Houten
Friend/Rival of Bart Simpson. Secretly admires Bart and would trade places with him in a moment. Extremely insecure and irrational about his own limitations, social and otherwise. However, While Milhouse is a self-confessed second-banana, South Carolina is an in-denial second-banana. "Uh, no thanks. I'm allergic to knuckle-sandwiches." Or, if you prefer, "I'm not a nerd, Bart. Nerds are smart."

Florida: Barney Gumble
Occassionally employed as a sneeze-guard tester and sperm bank donor, Barney / Florida spends most of the time drinking beer and reminiscing about the days before irrelevance set in.
Barney: "Whoah, someone smells stinky! Oh, it's me."

Auburn: Robert "Sideshow Bob" Terwilliger
Inextricably linked to Krusty (Alabama), whom he once tried to frame for a crime. A nemesis of Bart and an embodiment of pure evil. Harbors illusions of grandeur, frequently gains release from prison/probation only to return to his old ways and become tripped up by his wildly inflated ego and diabolical schemes. Sideshow Bob: "I harbor no ill will toward the spike-haired little tramp who tried to ruin my life."

Alabama: Herschel "Krusty the Klown" Krustofski
Like Alabama, his best days are behind him; however, much like Alabama's famous Dreamland, Krusty is still renowned for his world famous pork product: "Krusty Brand Pork Squeezins."
Krusty the Klown: "Man look at all the crap with my face on it."

Arkansas: Apu Nahasapeemapetilon
Like the Arkansas Razorbacks in the SEC, Apu Nahasapeemapetilon just doesn't quite seem to fit in Springfield. However, he is a gracious host who greets all visitors with "Thank you, come again." No matter how bad they clobber him during in store robberies...or home losses in Fayetteville.

LSU: Rainier Wolfcastle
With an accent so thick it can barely be understood, Rainer/LSU possesses a certain comical meanness.
Wolfgang: "I have purchased the Springfield YMCA. I plan to tear it down and turn the land into a nature preserve. There, I will hunt the deadliest game of all... man."

Tennessee: Cletus the Slack-jawed Yokel
Wife: "Now Cletus, why did ya haf to park next to my parents?"
Cletus: "Now, Now, Hun, they're my parents too."

by Law Dawg

PWD Note: Also check out Sexy-Results, UVA Blogger, who has tied quotes to football icons. Good stuff.


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