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February 13, 2006

Gym Dogs Topple Bama in Cat Fight

The ongoing feud between Georgia's Suzanne Yoculan and Alabama's Sarah Patterson experienced another heated reunion on Friday as Georgia beat the Crimson Tide by a score of 196.625 to 196.575 in front of 14,263 fans at Coleman Coliseum.

Their 23 year feud has revolved around everything from accusations of cheating to comments about each other's love life. Hmmm....both are well dressed. Both are charming. Both are attractive. One is a bad girl who's engaged to another woman's husband. Holy crap, I just realized. Suzanne is Alexis Carrington Colby and Sarah is Krystle Jennings Carrington.

Alexis and Krystle do their best Suzanne and Sarah impressions.

The only reason that 14,000+ people continue to show up to watch college gymnastics is the faint hope that the two coaches end up brawling backstage or ideally in a lily pond pulling each other's hair and frolicking wildly yet violently in front of a nation of onlookers. The ratings would go through the roof. It would be April 13, 1983 all over all again.

Aaron Spelling's inspiration for Dynasty actually came from SEC gymnastics.

By the way, I assume everyone knows who plays Blake Carrington in this allegory right? You guessed it.

Anyway, back to Gymnastics. The .05 margin of victory was one of the closest in the series history.

Neither Here Nor There:
Did you know...Sarah Patterson was the last coach in any sport hired by Bear Bryant who is still working for the Crimson Tide. Patterson's first senior class in 1983 won the NCAA Championship using players that Patterson credits Bryant for recruiting. She says that she would bring these young girls to campus for recruiting visits. Patterson would work on the girls with modest success. Then she would introduce the girl's father to Coach Bryant and he would close the deal. The awe of simply being in his presence was enough to get them to sign. (at least that's the version I heard on the Finebaum it must be true)


Note: All Dynasty pics from this site.


Anonymous said...

They're both attractive huh? Very happy I don't have your taste in women.........

Unknown said...

For old chicks in their 40s they are ok looking. Particularly Suzanne.

She's so strong and flexible that she could take off her own leg and use it to make sweet, violent love to you. And you'd like it.

Astronaut Mike Dexter said...

Glad I'm not the only one who sees Yoculan as being the tie-you-to-the-bed type. No, no, I'll show myself out.

Anonymous said...

Suzanne sounds like she might be the female Bill Brasky. Or maybe she's the female Mike Moore. Someone get a ruling from Aaron Fullen on this, please.

I've heard Suzanne is such a finely tuned mass of muscle, she can lob tennis balls 150 feet as part of her Kegel routine. Now that's tone.

Unknown said...

All School - You had me at Kegel.

very. nice.

Anonymous said...

there's almost no subject on which I can make a comment that I can't make funnier just by working the word "Kegel" in there someplace. For example, "Dennis Felton is UGA's version of Ike Turner," is funny. "Dennis Felton is UGA's version of Ike Turner, only minus the Kegel training," is funnier. have to ask yourself why UGA's version of He Who Must Not Be Named was willing to take all the heat he has and will continue to take. It certainly seems like a valid working hypothesis to me.

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