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September 8, 2005

Kyle King breaks down Cocky the SC Mascot

In his breakdown of the upcoming UGA vs. SC game, Kyle King first breaks down Cocky (or Plucky as he calls him). The breakdown is good. The Cocky beatdown is better. Excerpt:
The mascot's on-line biography includes U.S.C.'s claim that Plucky first took the field in 1980, "when he came in to take over his father (Big Spur's) place."

He's a guy in a costume. He took the place of another guy in a costume. Even if the guy in the second costume is the biological offspring of the guy in the first costume (which I seriously doubt), there is no father-son relationship between the costumes, because---try to stay with me here, Carolina fans---they're costumes.

Then again . . . wait a minute . . . now that I think about it, it all starts to make sense to me.

Plucky's father was Big Spur. The Gamecocks' new coach is Steve Spurrier.

The South Carolina athletic department refers to Plucky the Chicken as Cocky. Fans and coaches from opposing schools refer to Coach Spurrier as cocky.

Plucky, the son of Big Spur, was "born" at the start of the 1980 football season.

In 1979, Steve Spurrier served as the quarterbacks coach at Georgia Tech. In 1980, Steve Spurrier was named an assistant coach at Duke. Georgia Tech is located in Atlanta. Duke is located in Durham, N.C.

Coach Spurrier's move from Atlanta to Durham would have taken him through the Palmetto State on the way to his new school. That move would have taken place at the end of the 1979 season . . . approximately nine months before Plucky's birth.

In light of the foregoing facts, we have to wonder whether "Big Spur" is the nickname Steve Spurrier used in South Carolina during his trek from Georgia to North Carolina. Is it possible, do you suppose, that Plucky is the product of an illicit liaison between the Evil Genius and some woman in a great big hen suit? If so, is it so far-fetched to assume that someone in Columbia, S.C., has blackmail photographs?

Honestly, can you think of a more plausible explanation for Darth Visor's decision to coach the Gamecocks?

All I can say about that...well said my friend. Well said.



[Photo: Cocky prepares to set himself on fire rather than watch Georgia dismantle his fellow chickens.]

2 comments:

Nathan said...

The sad fact is that Cocky is a dead ripoff of Kansas's famous "Big Jay" ... except for the fact he wears some retarded skirt thing. Seriously, go to capitolonebowl.com and look at both of them in the mascot contest. IT'S THE SAME THING. Nice originality there, USCEast, is there anything you don't suck at?

Newspaper Hack said...

Dude, you went too far with that pic, and not even posting what it was about or the caption that ran with the pic.
I was working at The Gamecock that fall, and the picture was taken at our annual Tigerburn. The cutline, so help me God, was "I am the Cock Commander. All other Cocks must bow down before me. Yo soy el Cock Commander."
It was a placeholder, and somewhere between midnight and 2 a.m. that Thursday night when they were proofing the copy, someone forgot or didn't even notice it. IT WAS ON THE FUCKING FRONT PAGE. People actually thought we did it on purpose, and we didn't catch any hell from the higher-ups in USC administration, amazingly enough.

 
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