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September 30, 2005

SEC vs. ACC Hurricane Relief Program Launched

Just a what if, from AshevilleDawg on the porch/hive/rivals.

Atlanta, Ga. – Officials from the Southeastern Conference and Atlantic Coast Conference today announced a joint promotion aimed at strengthening the rivalries between the two conferences, while raising funds to benefit victims of hurricane Katrina.

On Tuesday, October 5, Head Football Coach Chuck Amato of the N.C. State Wolfpack and Head Football Coach Ed Orgeron of the Ol’ Miss Rebels will forgo customary weekly press conferences in lieu of a fight-to-the-death extreme cage match at the Georgia Dome, officials with both programs confirmed. The event, which is expected to be a sell-out, will also be available on pay-per-view in most markets.

[Photo: Coach Orgeron preps for the Match]

“We expect Coach Orgeron and Coach Amato to both experience near-death experiences as their respective teams lose again on Saturday,” said George Burdell, Associate Director of Senior Compliance Programs and Coordination for the ACC said late Thursday. “Look, as far as both these guys go, their careers are over anyway, and frankly we can’t bear the thought of having to listen to them doing color commentary on ESPN. And it’s a great way to help victims of Katrina put their lives back together in the process.”

[Photo: Coach Amato asks the ref if a steel chair to the back of Coach O's head is legal]

Reached in an underground bunker beneath Carter-Finley Stadium in Raleigh, Amato did not deny agreeing to participate in the death-match promotion, but would not elaborate on his chances in the cage with Orgeron, a 349-pound, seething rabid lunatic. “I don’t know what you want me to say,” Amato said, his eyes noticeably tearing behind red-framed Oakley sunglasses. “I don’t think I owe you anything, but I’m doing this for the Wolfpack nation.”

[Photo: The Guest Referee]

Orgeron was more forthcoming in his assessment of the promotion. “The people of the great state of Mississippi have been through a lot in the aftermath of Katrina,” Orgeron said. “For example, well, you already knew about Mississippi State. But then we lost to Vandy. And North Dakota, or Wyoming, or something. At that point, I put out a challenge to the guys. Either we beat UT in Knoxville on Saturday, or I will split Chuck Amato’s head open like a ripe tomato and eat his brains. Puke, and eat them again.”

[Photo: Tailgaters in the Grove enjoy their meals on fine china and heirloom silver. Before watching bloodsport]

One Katrina victim, relocated to the Atlanta area, said he hoped the promotion would be a welcome diversion to others rebuilding their lives in the storm’s aftermath. “A lot of what you heard about death and destruction in the Superdome was just hype,” said Wilbur Etufee, who with his family and 347 bottles of Heineken spent three nights in the Dome before making his way to Atlanta. “This is the real, deal though, the real deal.”

By AshevilleDawg. Special Guest Writer


Dan said...

That was hysterical and I always appreciate a good George Burdell sighting.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Dan.

I wrote it late last night fueled by Anheuser World Lager. This morning I woke up and remembered that Amato actually doesn't even have a game this weekend- his game with ya'll is next Thursday (hence the Burdell reference). Oh well. I stand by my story. Amato doesn't have to actually coach a game to lose it.


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