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September 16, 2005

UT vs. UF -- Game Preview (By Apu Nahasapeemipetilon)

Apu Nahasapeemipetilon (aka ARC Dog) breaks down the UF vs. UT Matchup in his first article for the Georgia Sports Blog.

I decided to predict the winner of UF vs. UT, and the only way I know how to do it is very mathematically - by the numbers. With apologies to Nick Bakay, here is the UF/UT "Tale of the Tape"

1. Florida is led by the brother of CJ Leak. Tennessee is led by the brother of Casey Clausen.

Edge: Florida

2. Florida's coach was given his job after he had great success at two smaller programs and worked his way up the coaching ladder. Tennessee's coach was given his job after he turned traitor and stabbed his former boss in the back.

Edge: Tennessee

3. Florida gives us Jeb Bush. Tennessee gave us Jed Clampett.

Edge: Tennessee

[Photo: Famous Vol alum]

4. Florida relies on a tailback (Deshawn Wynn) with a weight problem. Tennessee relies on a coaching staff with a weight problem.

Edge: Push

5. Florida's famous theme park is Walt Disney World. Tennessee's famous theme park is Dollywood.

Edge: Florida

6. Florida's last head coach was run out of town and into the Big Ten. Tennessee's last head coach was run out of town and straight to the bottle.

Edge: Florida

[Photo: If Johnny Majors dies. Sell your stock in Stoli]

7. Florida's thousands of fans wear disturbing outfits made from mind-numbing shades of orange, act in general like rabid animals, and cheer for players with criminal histories that read for pages. Tennessee's thousands of fans - who are we kidding here, we know where this is going.

Edge: Push

[Photo: Gator and Vol fans tailgate together pre-game 2004. Click to enlarge.]

And there you have it, by a score of 3-2-2, it is Florida that takes this one. Whenever in doubt, remember, the numbers never lie.

By ARC Dog/also known as Apu


Voluminous said...

Come on now Westerdawg....... Everyone knows Johnny Majors was a Jack Daniels Stoli for him

doggy1 said...

You forgot one. Tennessee sucks, Florida sucks. PUSH
It won't change the score but, it made me feel better.

Anonymous said...

I thought the comments by Coach Urban Meyer about the vols' coaches not scheming in their gameplans was funny.

It's true, but Florida has no defense and the vols' secondary is not great either.

I hope that they both lose, although I think I am rooting for the vols to win because I think they will lose more games this season.

Anonymous said...

Ironically, Buddy Ebsen is a graduate of UF.

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