Open Letter to the Techies circa 2002

A dawg fan/reader sent me this note:


"The note that follows was written by my friend and UGA classmate, [Name withheld], a few years ago BEFORE the GA-GA Tech game. He has several nerds in his office, so he wrote this little tome for them. It remains one of the best examples of smack/bragging/whatever that I've seen."

---------------------------------
Gentlemen,

I consider it a mark of cowardice to gloat about a victory after it has already been won. It takes cajones to bluster before the battle and take the risk of making a fool of oneself in the event of a loss. So, I'm going to go out on a limb and start telling y'all, in advance, how much Tech sucks.

When Keith, Chuck, and I enter the building Monday morning we will be strutting. You Tech nerds can stand to the side and glare in sarcastic wonder at your betters. UGA's imminent triumph will confirm UGA's superiority over Tech. It will mean that UGA football players are better than Tech football players, but it doesn't end there. By extension, it is axiomatic that UGA students and alumni are superior to Tech students and alumni.

Indeed, UGA, in general, is superior to Tech, in general. In short, this contest will be demonstrate the ultimate conquest of good over evil. It will be reminiscent of other epoch battles that stand out in the collective memory of mankind...of the Mongol horde being driven from the banks of the Danube back into Asia...of Julius Caesar crossing the Rubicon...of Luke Skywalker's victory over Darth Vader and the evil Empire.

Life teaches us that the outcome of our lives is the sum result of the string of decisions, big and small, that each of us make as we swim through the continuum of time. We are not mere lumps of protoplasm, but intelligent beings who have been endowed by our Creator with a free will...the freedom to shape our own destiny.

It may be instructive for you to take a little time to ponder where you went wrong so that you might be able to recognize similar future turning points and be able to salvage some meaning out of the remainder of your life.

Of course, one obvious wrong turn was made when you signed your name to that application and dropped it in the mailbox, but you have to dig deeper. What events lead up to that? Was it that one problem you missed on that math test in the 3rd grade that caused you to make a B? Was it the time when your best friend picked you last to be on his team? Search your soul for that black event that caused you to begin to give up any hope of attending UGA.

On Monday when you go down on bended knee in our awful presence, you Tech nerds will finally understand Nietzsche's concept of the "uber man" and can begin to reconcile your lowly place in the order of things.

Be content in the knowledge that you will have been vanquished by your physical, intellectual, moral, and spiritual superiors and that there really was nothing that you could have done to prevent it.

Sincerely,

JS

Tweet