An Open Letter to UGA Student: Brandon Grisham

Background: Today, the Red and Black (UGA's campus newspaper) ran an article about unintended consequences and arrests that are happening as a result of the University's crack down on underage drinking. In the article, a UGA student named Brandon Grisham was arrested while trying to help save his girlfriend from possible alcohol poisioning. Per the article:

Brandon Grisham knew his girlfriend needed help. He also knew asking for that help would land him in jail. After only a few drinks downtown on a Thursday night, Grisham’s girlfriend began to get sick, leading him to believe she’d been drugged. Once the couple got back to her room in Payne Hall, Grisham tried to call a friend to take his girlfriend to the hospital, but he couldn’t reach anyone. So he got a resident assistant instead. “I knew I was going to get arrested,” Grisham said. And he did.

Dear Brandon,

It's just me and you talking. No one else is around. I need to let you in on a secret.

DUDE. STOP COMPLAINING. Getting arrested in this situation is the best thing to ever happen to you in your young life. Ever.

You now have the alpha trump card best story ever to tell about what a good guy you are. Getting arrested for this one is going to get you laid....like eleventy dozen times. From now on, you're not Brandon Grisham, college student. You're Brandon "the big sweety that went to jail for his girlfriend to keep her from dying" Grisham.

If your special lady didn't take care of you for spending time in the slammer for this, then you need a new woman.

But here's the thing. You shouldn't tell this story directly to chicks. You need to get your friends to tell it for you. This is why God invented The Wing Man. Oh, and you'll want to leave the part about her getting charged with a crime out of the story.

One other thing. If you didn't protect your cornhole while you were in the big house, you probably want to disregard all of this.



Sincerely,

Paul Westerdawg

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