Ohio State Fan Does Not Get Happy Ending

The self-stimulating saga of Mike Cooper is drawing to a close. Who is former public library patron Mike Cooper? Just ask Carl Monday. Carl Monday is an investigative reporter for a television news station in Cleveland. He (ahem) exposed the Ohio State fan masturbating in the Berea, OH public library.

The brilliant video clip, which Deadspin has helped become a staple of these here internets, is a must-see. Obscure comedy gleaned from video: Cooper lives in the Georgia Tech Hilton [read: his parents' house].

Cooper's saga reaches its climax conclusion here. If you are short on time, here is a blow-by-blow summary of the soon-to-be-Pulitzer-Prize-Winning-PieceFeature. [Warning: provoked violence featuring a combat vet.]

Carl: How does it feel to be a celebrity to Michigan fans everywhere? Cooper: I was just dotting the "i".

I don't think we could put it any better than Deadspin:

What’s next for Mike Cooper? Hopefully, he can parlay this whole thing into some lucrative endorsements. Perhaps for some hand cream, perhaps for an internet porn site. Maybe he could sign some sort of Roethlisberger-esque deal with Gillette, where he’ll shave his famous mustache live on TV. Or perhaps Mike Cooper will just spend the rest of his days, plotting to get even with Carl Monday. It would take a hell of an effort.

The fact the video clip is comedy gold worthy of a Jerry Spring highlight reel makes it blogworthy in and of itself. However, the fact that Mike was wearing an Ohio State sweatshirt at the time he was caught red-handed in the act is priceless. I can't even express how much we'd have preferred it if Cooper were wearing a Florida sweatshirt instead. And, a Gator would no doubt have had the same classy mustache.

The contest for least-successful person affiliated with Ohio State surnamed Cooper has become a two-man race.

Dawgnoxious
Bureau Chief, Public Library Safety
Georgia Sports Blog

Tweet