Knife Wielding Maniacs Attack UGA Mascots (allegedly)

Shocking news out of Athens reveals that two 18 year old men allegedly attacked UGA mascots Hairy Dawg and Spike (Source: ESPN) during Tuesday night's basketball game between the Georgia Bulldogs and the Jacksonville Dolphins.

Georgia was giving the Jacksonville Dolphins a 93-77 pounding Tuesday night at Stegeman Coliseum when the teens allegedly ran from their seats to the court floor and -- according to a university police report -- attacked the two mascots.

Georgia students Tyler Martin, dressed as Spike, and Trey Dunn, dressed as Hairy Dawg, were knocked to the hardwood floor. In the process, the tangle of teens and mascots took down three young girls who had just finished performing in the halftime show.

A university police officer says the 18-year-olds smelled of alcohol and were carrying small knives. Breathalyzer tests showed both had blood-alcohol levels of 0.12 percent.

Where to begin with this story?

First off, UGA has announced a 2 year ban from Campus for these two alleged idiots. The state's legal system is still sorting out a more formal punishment. Personally, I think attacking Hairy Dawg with a knife should get you thrown out of the state...after your 30 year jail sentence is over.

Now, as for Spike. I pity the person inside the Spike uniform. I do. But if someone where to mysteriously kidnap his empty inflatable, annoying costume and throw it into a wood chipper, I wouldn't shed a tear. Or as LiquidCourage said, "If they had just taken out Spike, the crowd would've cheered."

Clumsy, drunken, knife wielding, wanna-be assassins and amateurish techniques such as publicly attacking the mascots at a televised basketball game simply causes confusion and panic. It isn't an efficient way of dealing with a jumpy, jumpy inflatable mascot that has gotten on your last nerve. Anyone who's read Contract Killings for Dummies knows these things.

Personally, I use Hitman: Professional Killers, Inc. they "provide permanent solutions to common problems. " Clearly Martin and Dunn the alleged attackers were unaware of such a service.

May their punishment be swift and brutal.

PWD


ok - they had the knives on them. They weren't really using them.

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