As The College Football Media Turns...

By JeromeFromDecatur

In the spirit of losing a starting quarterback, who has waited three years for a chance of retribution against the hated Gators in the midst of an undefeated season, Jerome would like to take the following curmudgeonly few moments and pick out the things in College Football Coverage that are maddening…

Aaron Taylor, Craig James, John Saunders: The ABC College Football "Team"
Is any group worse than these guys? They are utterly unprepared. They don't do their homework. Their studio set-up looks like it's taking place in some industrial workshop from the movie Tron. Disinfected, futuristic, weird.

How bad are these guys? When DJ went down, Aaron Taylor said,

"Well, Georgia has been struggling for weeks, and now they will really struggle..."

And instead of saying, "WTF are you talking about?" Craig James said, "Exactly. Georgia's struggles just got a lot worse."

Do these guys watch college football? Do they have any clue what is going on?

(Photo: "Hello, I’m a moron.")

Reece Davis and whoever-is-sitting-next-to-him are the best in the business in knowing players, coaches, traditions. And the gap is not even close.


When Brett Musburger Begins Speaking From the Point of View of Another Human Being, Animal, or Object:
He's done this his whole career, especially on NBA broadcasts...."Larry Bird just told Dominque Wilkins, 'Not today, my free-wheeling friend.'"

But now it's reached obscene levels and regularity.

At one point during the Texas-Texas Tech game he spoke from the consciousness of Vince Young and then when ABC came back with a shot of BEVO on the sideline and the BCS National Championship Trophy in front of him, Musburger said, "Bevo is saying, 'Look at that. I would like to eat that. Not so fast USC. Not so fast Reggie Bush. Not so easy. I'm not going to let you Trojan Horses take the championship from me."

Dan Fouts then laughs. But its a strange laugh. The way you laugh at the Uncle at Thanksgiving who is let out of the attic and makes everyone uneasy.

(Photo: "That’s funny Coach Knight, but what is your sweater thinking?")


The Big Ten
The next analyst who refers to this conference as a great example of balance and great teams and parity, should be shot.

Want to know why the Big Ten is mediocre? Watch an SEC game and turn to Michigan State vs. Northwestern and you'll wonder why everything is happening in slow motion.

(Photo: Rustic, Serene, Slow)


Auburn's Dance of Perceived Lack of "Respect"
You knew it was coming. Auburn beats up on Western Kentucky, Ball State, Shamrock Junior High, and MSU, and the media begins reporting on the media's lack of reporting on Auburn.

Auburn Nation follows the beat. We should be more respected. We should get more attention!

If you lose your home opener to a mid-major, you won't be taken seriously by the national media until you give them a reason to think otherwise....

(Photo: Meeting of the "minds")

Bob Davie's Failure to Say Anything Ever
Does the man ever say anything noteworthy at all? Ever?

It seems when he’s not getting a player’s name right, Bob Davie cannot stop from gushing on other coaches. A typical moment for Bob Davie.

LSU jumps off-side. For the third time.

Bob Davie, "You know, a lot of people are up in arms about LSU's penalties, but Coach Les Miles is a great coach."

LSU jumps off-side. A fourth time.

Bob Davie: "That's gotta frustrate Coach Les Miles. But he is a great coach and will have them back and prepared."

The best moment of Davie’s Gushing occurred when Tommy Tubberville was chewing Auburn Defensive Coordinator David Gibbs out for not having the right personnel on the field and having to take a time out (the ESPN boom mike picked up some well-placed Tubberville expletives) right after Bob Davie said, “David Gibbs is just doing a great job this year…”

Did his experience at Notre Dame give Bob Davie Post-Traumatic-Stress Disorder? A disorder that doesn't let himself say anything but sunshine things about coaches?

(Photo: If you don’t have anything nice to say.)

To be fair, perhaps Davie is simply being a devil's advocate to the amount of zealous fans who are constantly calling for the heads of coaches. But he compounds his lack of saying anything interesting by being wooden, stiff, and constantly mispronouncing player's and teams names.


That’s all for now. A warning word to the wise—prepare your stomachs for a heavy doses of Verne Lundquist and Todd Blackledge referring at least 39 times to Coach Meyer’s crying, Chris Leak’s crying, and the “emotional two weeks it’s been for the Florida Gators…” and you’ll begin to wonder when the Lifetime Network began covering games. -- Jerome

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