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March 21, 2006

St. John Family Feud

The blogosphere rallies to the defense of author/journalist/blogger/defendant Warren St. John. Warren, while Paul Westerdawg offers tips on protecting your virtue while you're in the clink, Mayor Kyle and I offer you a vigorous armchair virtual defense.

[Defendant Photo: Bear acquaintance. Hawg driver. Toad killer.]

Georgia Sports Blog Court is now in session, having been in recess since Ian "Tater Salad" Smith's ignominious and scatological (though non-public) arrest. Kyle's "ruminations of a concerned citizen" are predictably excellent, and his fine print disclaimer is incorporated by reference as if fully set forth herein. GSB Court takes judicial notice of the Mayor's "pizza-boy analogy".

Ron St. John (no-relation, alas no irony-satisfying 'Family Feud'. Hereinafter "Plaintiff") alleges in part Plaintiff’s 72 Dodge Champion RV “The Toad” is no longer a signature that uniquely identifies Plaintiff with Crimson Tide Fans, the resulting stress of which was so severe "no reasonable person could be expected to endure it". The allegation begs the question whether The Toad was ever, in fact, uniquely identified with Alabama Football.

Defense maintains Plaintiff has failed to state a claim upon which relief can be granted. Accordingly, the veracity of the allegation should be thoroughly investigated through gathering of empirical evidence.

To wit, Defendant brings on Richard Dawson as co-counsel for the defense: We surveyed 100 people, asking them "what do you uniquely identify with Crimson Tide Football?" Their answers are on the board.

Defendant moves for summary judgment based on the fact that I have seen a picture of The Bear with Defendant, but have never seen a picture of the Bear with The Toad, leading to the fair conclusion the Defendant is more uniquely associated with Crimson Tide football than Plaintiff. If and only if Survey Says: 'The Toad', can Plaintiff's dubious claim survive summary judgment. [What else would Survey Say? Post a comment.]

To give you an idea of something how high the bar has been set for Plaintiff's claim, for an example of something that is also not associated with Alabama football and the deleterious tortious effects of which on vehicle owner's psychological well-being are "outrageous," "extreme," "atrocious and utterly intolerable", see below:

Ok, so maybe this whole thing was an excuse to post these photos. Sue me.


Kyle King said...

May it please the Georgia Sports Blog Court, an amicus curiae brief has been filed.

Unknown said...

Is it just me or does that look like Mary Lou Reaton a bit next to Mr. Fued

Anonymous said...

The Auburn van was actually burned this past year when they played the Ark-kanas piggies.

Anonymous said...

Just a couple of comments....
1) This is the most ridiculous lawsuit I've ever seen...far more ridiculous even, than the 2003 case of "Fatasses v. Assorted Fast Food Chains," asserting it was the chains' fault people were morbidly obese. At least in that case I could figure out in 30 minutes or less what the people were actually alleging.
2) I thought the Auburn van was burned at the LSU-Auburn game this year.
3) While I dont advocate destruction of personal property, at least not while sober and not without midgets, when you put something as preposterous as a huge tiger tail on your VAN, you are asking for trouble. Word from the wise...Vans are gay enough without any added fabric accessories. My only hope is that the owner somehow lessened the pain of the crime by a long relaxing game of solitaire at the card table inside his home...I meant vehicle.

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