Urban Meyer Praised for Pointing and Staring

Source: AP Wire Reports
By JeromeFromDecatur

(Gainesville, Florida) - There’s something different in the Florida air this summer. A new Bull Gator rules The Swamp and Gator Nation has taken note. After a sweeping tour of Gator Clubs throughout The Sunshine State, Gator fans have found a unifying reason to praise their already legendary Coach.

“He gets up there behind the podium,” Katherine Harris from the Broward County Gator Club recently recounted, “and the whole room listens in awe about his four years at Bowling Green and Utah. At some point in his speech he’ll stop talking. And then he’ll stare….and point…it’s then you realize you’re truly in the presence of greatness.”

[Photo Above: Coach Urban Meyer. Points with Authority.]

Coach Meyer’s current record at Florida is 0-0.

The Magical Mystery Meyer tour has roared through the state this summer with standing room only crowds. At the Hernado Gator Club, former Gator player Emmitt Collinsworthfell could barely contain his enthusiasm.

[Photo at Right: Doing What He Does Best]

“In a word, tent revival. I mean, the man walks into the room and we set down our plates and jaws drop. Then he stares. And stares. Then he points. I mean, whoa. Charlie Pell could point, but there were always fingers pointing back at him. Galen had that problem too. Gary Darnell couldn’t point or stare. That other guy mastered staring, but dang if he didn’t shrug and toss visors and clipboards. Zook? Ron Zook? With Coach Meyer…he stares…he points…and you know it. He has it. My scales stand up on end.”

When asked what “it” is—Collinsworthfell responded he wasn’t exactly sure but the pictures sure did look good.

What should the college football world make of all this? Are Florida fans desperate because of their lack of any substantive football tradition? Is the presence of Steve Spurrier at South Carolina causing Gators everywhere to schizophrenically cling to Meyer for dear life? Is this hyperbolic excitement a symptom of trying to forget Ron Zook? And does all this staring and pointing necessarily translate into victories for the Gators?

Ronnie Van Zantson, from the Volusia County Gator Club in Daytona Beach, wasn’t sure about all that. But he was sure about one thing. “With Lord Meyer in control, you know, staring and pointing…we’re looking to dominate like we did back in the 90’s when we won all those National Championships. I’ve already got the denim T-shirts ready. Gator National Champs 2005-2032.”

[Photo at right: About to Point?]

Coach Meyer was gracious enough to take time out of his busy schedule to give this reporter some time. When asked via phone about his biggest coaching influence, Meyer gave credit where credit is due.

“Coach Bob Davie, definitely. He’s been the biggest influence. You just learn so much working for Coach Davie. You see, he learned a lot from Coach Holtz and both knew there’s a lot more to coaching than preparation, tough conference schedules, and X’s and O’s.

"There’s the facial expressions. Grimacing. Smiling. Being thoughtful. Aw-shucksing. Coach Davie taught me so much about photo opportunities, the position of sideline cameras, and striving to look stoic. You know, demanding respect.”

[Photo at Right: Not Exactly Pointing or Staring]

When asked if demanding respect included his famous staring and pointing Coach Meyer declined to comment.

What will become of The Bright Shinning Light from the Sunshine State? Is it more light than heat? A lot of hype? A solid foundation for Gator hopes?

No matter. Gator Fans everywhere are receiving their coaching legend and lofty pre-season expectations with open arms. UF alum and long-time Gator and SEC fan Destiny Stahl from Pensacola commented after her encounter with Coach Meyer at the Northwest Florida Gator Club, “He’s meant so much to me. Personally. And so much to us. He’s a legend. His record at Florida speaks for itself.”

Indeed.



[Photo Above: Multi-tasking During the Glory Days in Utah: Pointing, Staring, Screaming.]


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