SaxonDawg: UGA's Greatest Day How It Progressed

By SaxonDawg

Sunday, December 4

4:00 AM Still cloistered within the Georgia Dome, triumphant UGA fans continue to celebrate a second SEC championship in four years.

6:00 AM Negotiations between Georgia Tech and Atlanta's Peach Bowl break down. Peach rejects Tech's offer to buy 375 tickets with a free hot dog and coke for each Peach Bowl committee member.


[Photo: Phone calls from Oscar Meyer didn't help Tech's cause]

8:00 AM Announcement that UGA President Michael Adams remains missing since conclusion of UGA-Kentucky game, when he is known to have walked across campus without his regular convoy of 17 armed bodyguards.

10:00 AM Triumphant UGA fans begins to head triumphantly for the exits of the Georgia Dome, but continue celebrating a second SEC championship in four years.

12:00 PM GayLord Music City Bowl in Nashville announces it will look for some team other than Georgia Tech for its classic matchup. Pretty much any team with six wins may apply.

1:00 PM UGA President Mike Adams is found wedgie-wrapped to a toilet pipe in Athens' Stegeman Coliseum; whimpers that he will be avenged upon the five to ten thousand users of that toilet stall who came, took care of business, and ignored his plight during the past few weeks.

3:00 PM Triumphant UGA fans decide not to head for parking lots after all; break into concession areas, have big old brunch to celebrate a second SEC championship in four years.

5:00 PM MPC Computers Bowl (Boise), Meineke Car Care Bowl (Charlotte), Red Man Chaw Bowl (Fort Smith, Arkansas), EverQuest Online Fantasy Role-Playing Bowl (E. Hobbiton) issue joint announcement that Georgia Tech will not be invited to any of their bowls or "classics," and that Dave Braine should please go home and stop camping out on their porches.

5:01 PM Dave Braine announces deal for the Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets to appear in the GayLord Emerald Bowl sponsored by the new TV series Queer Eye for the Postseason Bowl Guy. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Some Mormon school will be recruited to play them. Or maybe just a local pickup team. Whatever.

6:00 PM Triumphant UGA fans lift Georgia Dome from its foundations and parade it through downtown Atlanta. Still not ready to go home. Search for a Waffle House.

8:00 PM Suspect identified in gas station robbery in Waycross, GA, as Jan Kemp, a former college tutor. Posse and hounds released to pursue Kemp through mosquito and reptile-infested swamp. Villagers arrive with pitchforks and torches.

10:00 PM Judge rules that due to an odd technicality in Herschel Walker's original New Jersey General contract, he has one year of college eligibility remaining; also that in his view, Herschel "can still kick ass."

11:00 PM You personally receive word that a distant aunt you never knew you had, Mrs. Gerde Deutchefrauenbierfaesser of Milwaukee, has died and bequeathed her substantial fortune and network of beer breweries to you; also, your mother-in-law is moving to Fairbanks, Alaska.

12:00 AM Those triumphant UGA fans who are still conscious and triumphant get into brawl with waitresses at downtown Waffle House for refusing to set the clock to 13:26, which would reflect their 34-14 triumphant score in their second triumphant SEC championship in four years.

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