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April 10, 2006

Officially Licensed College Football Homes

Balzer and Associates, Inc., an architectural and engineering firm based in Roanoke, Va., recently announced plans to develop the first ever line of collegiate licensed home plans. The firm wants to bring the architectural look of your favorite campus or unique experiences from your campus into the blueprint for your home.

VT is the test case for this company's grand idea. The guys at the MZone sum it up this way:
"Well, the answer to your fan prayers has arrived, at least if you're a Virginia Tech supporter. Balzer and Associates, an architectural and engineering firm based in Roanoke, VA, is offering the first-ever line of officially-licensed collegiate home plans inspired by the Hokie's Blackburg campus. The plans (such as the "Stonehaven" design shown here) are collectively called "Bringing the Hokie Home" and each will have the Virginia Tech logo."
The MZone crew has gotten way out in front on this issue with proposals for home designs for Ohio State and Notre Dame as well as FSU and Michigan State (warning: profanity). My favorite is the Notre Dame design.

Front Yard Jesus

I'm pretty sure that the Georgia Tech house plan will include a backyard reminiscent of the Forest Moon of Endor where an alum's children could frolic around dressed as ewok's just as their father did on a typical Saturday night on The Flats.



EmotionalFescue said...

I'm a planner for a metro county Richmond. I have a lot of contact with guys from Balzer. I'l see if I can get my hands on anything. Hopefully the VPI houses will have Panic Rooms for the children when Ralph Mexico comes over to babysit.

paulwesterdawg said...


EmotionalFescue said...

Picking on VPI people is like shooting nerdy fish in a redneck barrel. I sent that link around the office and a UVA guy sent this:

"There should also be a Heimlich Maneuver Machine to ensure your safety when you choke away an 8-0 season by losing to Pittsburgh or West Virginia or Miami or Rutgers…by 20…at home.

Each house is furnished with several fire extinguishers to prevent kitchen and garage fires, an ongoing problem in the VPI family.

Each house will also feature an affirmation room to try to get you over your “little brother complex” with UVA.

Also a female identification chart will be furnished so that VPI male alumni will remember what girls look like since there are so few on campus.

And isn’t a true “Hokie Home” a double wide with six flea-ridden blue tick hounds in the front yard and a rusted out ’75 Bonneville on cinder blocks?"

The one good thing about living up here in VA is that I still have a "Tech" to make fun of on a daily basis.

Randal said...

Well, I want a UGA home...but I don't think I want the animated Michael Adams statue telling me to move my car out of the driveway I just bought.

Oliver said...

The UGA home wouldn't have enough trash cans but would be beautiful and spacious. The GT home would be made entirely of concrete and forbid women to enter.

Dawgnoxious said...

The GT home would smell like curry and it would have panhandlers in the driveway. In addition, there would be a coat closet for wizard cloaks, the sofa would be angled away from the television, and your view of the TV would be obstructed by support columns.

Michael Adams said...


I really don't care what you do in your very on driveway. However, once you get onto the street you are in my zone. I rule anything and everything in my zone.

-af said...

If and when they create a house for UT fans, it should be built entirely out of playing cards. It would be fun to watch the owner try to take the wheels off the house without the house collapsing.

paulwesterdawg said...

Ole Miss's has a burning cross out front. (i kid)

Dan said...

"The GT home would smell like curry and it would have panhandlers in the driveway."

This is a blatent fabrication.

Duke smells of curry. Tech has more of a General Tso's chicken thing going.

Anonymous said...

I saw the University of Georgia home.

A few observations...

1. Classic greek mansion with a still out back

2. Financing is available through alcohol money but its bar unlocks only six or seven times a year (and never before 7am)

3. Small driveway, not big enough to hold a car but comes with a garage large enough to park each car (for a mere $20 a day)

4. Great inhouse sound system but you can only pick up the really bad art-rock stations

5. Very narrow hallways

6. A skeleton or two in every closet

7. Lots of extras, including:

- Huge manual door bell that unfortuantely will sometimes ring all night

- Air-conditioned dog house

- Huge fire plug

- A twice-refurbished 42-year-old basketball goal

- Beautiful privet hedges in the garden

- A deck so high you can hardly see them

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