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June 15, 2006

Fathers Day Gifts for Gamecock Fans: By SaxonDawg

Chicken Shop Closeout Sale
By SaxonDawg

Have you done your Father's Day shopping? Try these last minute gift ideas from the Gamecock schlock stock!



GAMECOCK HOME VIDEO
"IF ONLY: Great Close Losses of the Carolina Gamecocks." (29.95)
-- Crow it loud and proud: "We play you close every year!" Here are highlights of favorite games the Cocks almost won. See winning football that lasted for three and a half quarters.

"RETROACTIVELY THE BEST: Great Gamecock Championships We Didn't Know About Until Recently." (29.95)
-- The year 1996 saw the Gamecocks crowned as national champions--we just didn't realize it at the time. See terrific footage of all Steve Spurrier's great games, now computer colored for righfully garnet jerseys.



CHICKENWEAR:
Gameday T-Shirt: (19.95) Front side reads, "LOOK OUT! HERE COME THE GAMECOCKS!" The back reads, "You better thank your lucky stars for that

____ last-minute fumble"

____ call by the refs"

____ freak play your guy made"

Laundry marker provided--simply take the shirt to the game, check the right slot at game's end, and scurry home! Available in sizes medium, large, and chunky chicken.



BOOKS:
"Wait 'Til Next Year: The Complete Story of Gamecock Football" (8 page booklet) (0.79) Order in BUUUULK bulk bulk bulk...

"The Gamecock Application Bible" with Steve Spurrier's words in red ink. (49.95) Special features applying the Bible to the teachings of Coach Spurrier, and tips for living every day with the wisdom of the perfect master. (Frontipiece painting: "Little David Stands Over Goliath's Body and Makes Quotable Taunting Remarks")

SPECIAL, MARKED DOWN: "The Gamecock Application Bible" with Lou Holtz's words in red ink (9.95) Special features applying the Bible to the teachings of Coach Holtz, and tips for living every day with the wisdom of the LOOUUUU. (Frontispiece painting: "Lou Motivating the Disciples As Their Boat Sinks in the Storm.")

SPECIAL, MARKED WAAAY DOWN: Plush cuddly Brad Scott doll. (0.29) Just the gift for the little peckers in your family. Pull the chatty ring and he offers several cute postgame rationalizations.

By SaxonDawg

20 comments:

ThreeDawg said...

Paul - After viewing your blog for several months now I've finally seen something so ridiculously hysterical that I have to say kudos (to Saxon mostly for this one, but to you, as well).

“Order in BUUUULK bulk bulk bulk...”

Are you freaking kidding me! That's gold Jerry...GOLD!

Anonymous said...

Sad thing is, if there was indeed an "IF ONLY" video, I could actually see it selling quite well among the Gamecock faithfull.


Love the shirt as well!

Johnny said...

"SPECIAL, MARKED WAAAY DOWN: Plush cuddly Brad Scott doll. (0.29) Just the gift for the little peckers in your family. Pull the chatty ring and he offers several cute postgame rationalizations."

That's gold, too!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Gamecocks, Gamecocks, Gamecocks. Is this a Gamecocks blog or an UGA blog? One thing for sure: somebody has the Gamecocks on their mind. Watch out dawgs - away at SC is no given for your team. And no one, and I mean no one, would be surprised if you open up your conference/division with a loss to Spurrier. What then? Who becomes your fascination? Kentucky?

Anonymous said...

No in light of recent events and the FACT that SCar fans are mass producing videos on putfile of which always seem to have a great play against UGA, this is approphiate. Here's to the offseason MNC's

Anonymous said...

Coming from a Clemson Tiger.......that is some funny stuff, but true so true!!!

Anonymous said...

If there is one ting Tigers and Dawgs share, it's a disdain for all things Gamecock!

Excellent work fellas!

C. Paul said...

Absolutely fantastic. The best quote I have to describe Gamecocks comes from Bobby Knight:

"Never have so many, who thought they knew so much, actually known so little."

Anonymous said...

Hope all this humor is still funny in September.

Suggested viewing, last year's S.C. Georgia, S.C. Tennessee, S.C. Florida.

Spurrier is 1-0 against the Gators....nothing funny about that.

Dawgnoxious said...

September, September, September. It's always the same. First, you'll get your annual loss, so don't worry about that. It's not like the visiting team has to play with 10 players or something.

Second, if you beat us 100-0, SCar would still be a shit school, in a shit down, playing in a shit stadium that looks like an exterminated cockroach.

"See you in September" is a silly (though typical) response to the observation that SCar are delusional freakshows who have been eating skirt steak and telling themselves it was filet for 100 years.

Doug said...

No, various Gamecock Anonymi, the real reasons they're putting all this anti-SC stuff on here are threefold:

1) it's f%$#in' funny, and

2) we can count on getting a good laugh, or multiple good laughs, from the indignant SC folk jumping on here and issuing boasts/threats as if their program had actually WON a significant game in the last 25 years or so, which is

3) also f$#@in' funny.

Anonymous said...

Thank goodness I wasn't born a Chicken. How miserable it must be to support a school that's never won anything in any sport except for an NIT Championship. That school is the definition of "loser."

Anonymous said...

Look, give Spurrier a few year and see what happens (I'm a Florida fan and my Dad graduadated for Cockville so this pains me to no end), judging from his record against the dawgs taunting him might not be a great idea.

dixiehound said...

the funny part is that even if USC beats GA every 5 years or so (I mean shouldn't they? assuming they claim to be legit) They will prance around like 1-4 is OWNING the oppenent. You can't win against this crowd.

Cocks, if if makes you happy, we'll say it, the Gators own us. Okay? Happy? now deal with your reality.

Anonymous said...

Hey Saxon Dawg--

Fred Schneider and Michael Stipe called. You left your shoes at their apartment last night.

Anonymous said...

Doug, being a homosexual is very dangerous these days. It can lead to a variety of Sexually Transmitted Diseases, such as herpes, syphilus and the ever dreaded HIV. It can also hinder your social and professional status, limiting where you can safely go and how far you can make it within the business world. I am worried about you Doug. Nice pic Doug.

Anonymous said...

I'm not shopping for Father's Day 2008 quite yet but these great books will be available in time for Christmas:

"A DECADE AND A HALF OF FRUSTRATION...A recap of the Ga-Fla series since 1990" (Random House, $12.95)

- The Dawgs elevate futility to an art form with numerous lopsided losses under the guidance of three different coaches. The forward is authored by Donald Trump and entitled "The Art of the (Bad) Deal: How to get your top rival to agree to play your annual grudgematch in enemy territory."

"CELEBRITY HAIRCUTS FOR LESS THAN $5" ($2.95)

- Not necessarily a UGA book but coach Mark Richt is featured for his attempt to bring back the zipperhead look.

"WHAT IF? A CONTEMPLATION OF
CHAMPIONSHIPS THAT COULD HAVE BEEN WITHOUT 'THE GOOF'" ($9.95)

- A discussion of what could have been if Ray Goff had never coached at Georgia. An entire chapter is devoted to methods of hypnosis that Dawg fans can use to help them forget the Goof years.

WHAT IF, VOL. 2: THE CHAMPIONSHIP THAT WASN'T BECAUSE HERSCHEL LEFT" ($10.95)

- Dawg fans lament Herschel Walker's early departure for USFL glory. Includes a list of top 10 plays that Herschel would have made if he had stayed for his senior season.

"A DAWG FAN'S GUIDE TO GETTING IN TOUCH WITH HIS FEMININE SIDE" ($4.95)

- Step 1: How to cry on cue: Imagine you are at Sanford Stadium watching black and white clips of Herschel running over Bill Bates.

"THE FALL THE GAMECOCKS SAVED OUR ASS" ($49.95)

- My personal favorite chronicles how in the fall of 2005 the Gamecocks did something the Dawgs could not - beat Florida. As a result, the Dawgs go to the SEC title game.

Anonymous said...

nice try loser, but that was pathetic - sort of like your lame football team.

Anonymous said...

I didnt know the school of soft C$$cks and mullets had any room to talk a bout haircuts????

Anonymous said...

The only familiar thing to Ol' ballcoach is that the jorts and mullets stayed the same if not more inbred. I guess thats why he feels so comfortable and will "never" leave..yeah right.....

 
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