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June 27, 2006

Spurrier's Football Mistress?

By SaxonDawg

Note: Saxon originally published this on the PayVent last week. He wanted to make sure the devoted gamecock faithful didn't miss it. Thus the posting here...later. Hope you enjoy. -- PWD

NEWS ITEM:
"We have some lazy guys," said South Carolina Coach Steve Spurrier in a press conference today, commenting on his team's lack of commitment to summer workouts.

However, the former Gator coach's tone brightened as he predicted the reaction of Florida fans will be "very positive" when he attends the celebration of the 10th anniversary of Florida's 1996 national championship team on Sept. 2 in the Swamp. "I hope the Gators remember the ol' coach who got 'em all those championships," Spurrier said. "I think most of them understand the circumstances of why I'm not there now. I look forward to seeing a lot of players on the '96 team. It's something I think I need to do and I look forward to doing."

* * *

It was midnight at the KwickCluck Motel on the outskirts of Columbia. The Ol' Ball Coach swung a leg to the floor and pulled on a garnet-striped athletic sock.

From the other side of the bed came a soft cluck of satisfaction as Gamecock Fanbase reached for a cigarette. "One more time. Just one more time---please?" pleaded Fanbase. "Say something . . . cocky?"

"No time," said Coach, adjusting the other sock. "Busy. Winners is busy, ya know."

"Why do you always have to run out? Do I bore you?"

"Oh, now here we go," grumbled Coach. "Lou warned me it would be like this. I'm here now, ain't that enough for ya?"

"It's . . . it's her, isn't it?" clucked Fanbase accusingly. "You're thinking of HER! You're going to HER now, aren't you?"

"Just a few rounds of golf with a coupla Bull Gators," said the Ol' Baller, fine-tuning his jauntily-cocked visor. "Little love for the Ball Coach. Ceremony in the ol' Swamp, standing O for Stevie. It don't mean a . . ." Coach ducked a flying Independence Bowl Commemorative ashtray in the nick of time.

Then the door clicked shut and there was the soft sound of his Nikes treading down the corridor.

"He's such a beast," sniveled Fanbase, a salty tear sliding down her beak. "Ooo . . . and I love him I love him I LOVE HIM!" Fanbase slid another quarter in the Magic Fingers and clucked happily until checkout time.

4 comments:

Tennvolchamp said...

That was very funny and clever. I can understand Cockfans always wondering, always fearing, the OBC jaunting home. Of course when you're program is NOT a head coach destination, in its best days its a career-building launching pad, you're always going to have that doubt in your mind - hey if the guy wins here, where will he go next. Vol fans, in the back of their minds, feel the same way I think about Bruce Pearl.

Oliver said...

...or like UGA fans did with Tubby Smith. I wanted "Steg" to become "The Tub" I didn't mind his son playing for us. But I knew he'd leave as soon as the Kentucky job called. Great post, BTW.

Jack Tatum said...

Not too many gameCOCK comments here. Interesting....

Anonymous said...

That is a somewhat humorous post however if you honestly think that Spurrier is going to leave carolina you are dead wrong.

 
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