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December 21, 2006

Knife Wielding Maniacs Attack UGA Mascots (allegedly)

Shocking news out of Athens reveals that two 18 year old men allegedly attacked UGA mascots Hairy Dawg and Spike (Source: ESPN) during Tuesday night's basketball game between the Georgia Bulldogs and the Jacksonville Dolphins.
Georgia was giving the Jacksonville Dolphins a 93-77 pounding Tuesday night at Stegeman Coliseum when the teens allegedly ran from their seats to the court floor and -- according to a university police report -- attacked the two mascots.

Georgia students Tyler Martin, dressed as Spike, and Trey Dunn, dressed as Hairy Dawg, were knocked to the hardwood floor. In the process, the tangle of teens and mascots took down three young girls who had just finished performing in the halftime show.

A university police officer says the 18-year-olds smelled of alcohol and were carrying small knives. Breathalyzer tests showed both had blood-alcohol levels of 0.12 percent.
Where to begin with this story?

First off, UGA has announced a 2 year ban from Campus for these two alleged idiots. The state's legal system is still sorting out a more formal punishment. Personally, I think attacking Hairy Dawg with a knife should get you thrown out of the state...after your 30 year jail sentence is over.

Now, as for Spike. I pity the person inside the Spike uniform. I do. But if someone where to mysteriously kidnap his empty inflatable, annoying costume and throw it into a wood chipper, I wouldn't shed a tear. Or as LiquidCourage said, "If they had just taken out Spike, the crowd would've cheered."

Clumsy, drunken, knife wielding, wanna-be assassins and amateurish techniques such as publicly attacking the mascots at a televised basketball game simply causes confusion and panic. It isn't an efficient way of dealing with a jumpy, jumpy inflatable mascot that has gotten on your last nerve. Anyone who's read Contract Killings for Dummies knows these things.

Personally, I use Hitman: Professional Killers, Inc. they "provide permanent solutions to common problems. " Clearly Martin and Dunn the alleged attackers were unaware of such a service.

May their punishment be swift and brutal.


ok - they had the knives on them. They weren't really using them.


Astronaut Mike Dexter said...

Wow . . . apparently this academic-ineligibility thing has hit Reggie Ball harder than we thought. Figured he'd be hitting the bottle, probably should've guessed it would've progressed to physical violence.

"C'mon, dog, it's just a mascot. I mean, Hairy Dawg is Hairy Dawg. He's a tough mascot, but he's just a mascot."

Anonymous said...

Alex - you're right.

Anonymous said...

Where are the ninjas?

Anonymous said...

I just hate that female bulldog mascot UGA breaks out on occasion ... it's Harry's bitch.

Anonymous said...

You're wrong about Spike. I'm friends with the guy inside the costume, and trust me, people go crazy when they learn he is the mascot. Certainly no one has ever told him "dude, Spike sucks." In fact, I think the students like Spike even more than Hairy Dawg. I'm not joking.

Sure, he might get in the way of the game from time to time as he walks through the stands, but you can't deny his bounce-on-his-head trick is a crowd pleaser.

Anonymous said...

How can you not like Spike, he's so dumb but lovable. It's like Waynes World or Super Troopers... yeah they're stupid movies, but they're funny and being so dumb is part of what makes em great. The first time I got over the initial shock of seeing that ridiculous thing bouncin around, fallin all over people in the aisles... well shortly after he became my fave too. And like the previous Anon poster said, I think it's the bounce on his head trick that won me over. Guess the 30 and under crowd appreciate him more than the ol timers. : /

Anonymous said...

After all that bouncing on the head stuff...and after taking a punch from every five-year-old in the building, I figure Spike would welcome the opportunity to finally GATA.

The two drunks were lucky to get out of there alive, iyam.

Long live Spike. Besides, it takes real talent to make a free throw in that Spike getup.

Did the Banana Boy get away unscathed?

Anonymous said...

> banana boy

Great call Anon.

Their anger was indeed misdirected

Anonymous said...

"Personally, I think attacking Hairy Dawg with a knife should get you thrown out of the state...after your 30 year jail sentence is over."

I had not heard that they had knives until now, and even now, I haven't heard anything about them trying to use them. I have a pocketknife on me at almost all times, but imo unless I actually take it out, unfold it and wield it in some way, I haven't attacked anyone, no matter what other foolishness I might be guilty of at the time.

Don't get me wrong, just being drunk and charging the court is enough to ban them imo, but in these terrorists are always around the corner times, it seems important not to overstate the case.

Anonymous said...

I think their punishment should include being put in a small cell with Spike and let him bounce to his hearts content.

Anonymous said...

Anon - you're right.

The distinction has been made above.


Anonymous said...

Holy crap, I know one of those guys.

Anonymous said...

Does anyone know where the other members of the Icy Hot Stuntaz were during the alleged attack?

Personally, I suspect this may have been an attempt at a bizarre initiation right by local gangs of pirates. Or Ninjas. Or even Methodists.

Where, I ask you, is the ATF when you need them?

Anonymous said...

Time for Spike and Hairy to bone-up! Can't let two fools take you out like beatches! Let's hide Forrest Griffin (UFC) under the hood and see what happens next time! GATA

Anonymous said...

Agree with Paul on Spike. When I was still in school a couple of years ago, didn't really notice Spike getting much love in the student section. Kids should have let Hairy be and focused efforts on Spike.

Anonymous said...

Did they live at 555 Riverhill Dr?

Anonymous said...

Wow! Football season really is over.

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