Steve Spurrier will fail because he will want to

Inside the Mind of Steve Spurrier
By Ugas Home

Steve Spurrier is a prideful man (duuuuh....tell us something we don't know). He's so prideful he's going to WANT to lose at South Carolina. The long and short of it..he now works at a place where the people cluck when they're happy or get excited.

They are indeed the 'Cock Cluckers. Score a TD, even only a short field goal, and a tortured rooster crow screams at the fans over the stadium loudspeakers. The first time that happens in a game Spurrier is going to turn bugeyed, soil himself, and want out.

::::ERRRT errrr errrt errrr ERRRrrrrrrrrt::::::

"HEY.....HEY!?! What the hell was THAT???? "HEY?! Where is ...What do we...HEY?!... Help Tito, Help!... OK OK...everybody just remain calm!! Look cool...that's how you handle situations like this....just try and look cool. Yeaaa, ok..we're cool now, uh huh. I'm calm. I'm calm. But for God's sake somebody find out what that was!"

"That was our celebration cheer coach."

"Whaaa......C'mon.....Seriously???"

"Yea, seriously."

"Y'all do this a lot?!?"

"Noooooo sir! Only when we score."

"Nobody told me this! This was not my contract!"

"It's Gamecock pride, coach. It's what we do."

"Pride?!? You're proud of that???? Heeeeyyyy look...I'm Steve freeeakin' Spurrier, man! I don't cluck or crow or peck at sod grubs or anything like that for anybody nor do I wanna be associated with those who do!

"I walked away from millions in the NFL just to get away from a loser team and THEN refused to agree to a simple interview to get my old job back at UF. I'm 'Da Man' and I won't put up with some pathetic Hee-Haw style 'tradition'! Good Lord! I've taken dumps on road trips in rural truck stop toilets that had more class than this place."

"Coach..you're not proud to be a Gamecock??? We're gonna win the SEC! We've been soooo close ever since we joined the SEC. All we've needed is a coach. Holtz was a God, but he got defrocked. We've needed a coach and a couple or 40 more good players and we're there dude!"

"What?? Proud to be a Gamecock?? LOL! Great Scott you illiterate pudknocker. I only took this gig to rub my alma mater's nose in $#&% for trying to make me interview for MY job. AND if you punks think I'm gonna lead you to glorious victories to be 'rewarded' with TV games so they can put MY mug on regional PPV TV while these wannnabes in the stands celebrate in the background like the backwater peckerwoods you cock cluckers are all more hopeless than everybody already thought! I won't have it! Looorrrd what have I gotten myself into??? I gotta get out of this mess"

"I'm inspired by your overwhelming sense of pride coach. I am sooo glad coach Holtz got me in school through the learning disabilities back door. One day I'll be able to tell my kids and grandkids I was a player when the Gamecocks rose to command the respect and championship titles we've always been entitled to. YOU are the one! YOU are gonna lead us to the promised land! I'm gonna make you proud of me coach!"

"Riiiiiiiiight.....Anything you say kid.....Knock yourself out...I bet you're teacher's fave in 'tard class aren't ya, huh?!?......Time ouuuuut...yo REF.....TIME OUT.........OK FELLAS huddle up around me...Yoouuuu SOBs listen up and listen good!...We're goin' with a new game plan and I mean RIGHT NOW....We're gonna run a new offense I just devised specially for all of you forever in the future champions....It's called the Chicken Bone Choke N' Punt...."


Written by Ugas Home for the Georgia Bulldog Football Blog

Tweet