June 1, 2006

South Carolina has mascot envy

South Carolina has been dethroned as team with the lamest and uncomfortably phallic mascot in sports. South Carolina, success eludes you even as a punchline and object of derision.


Who knew Rhode Island School of Design has a hockey team? It turns out they're called the NADS (not to be confused with RISD's basketball team, the Balls).

The hockey team has its own cheer: Go NADS! (I kid you not). It also turns out the NADS have a mascot. Scrotie. (Note: This is a must click image). One imagines that Scrotie would be extremely excited about the game for a solid 2-3 minutes, then get kind of sleepy and lose interest for an hour or so. Presumably, he only enters the playing surface between periods. Additionally, icing the puck is penalized by temporary blindness and hair on your palms.

Use of "tip" didn't seem appropriate for this post, so we'll just "acknowledge" Deadspin. Check the comments section. [A preview: Nice to see that their mascot design efforts weren't in vein.]

Dawgnoxious
Bureau Chief, Mascot Division

22 comments:

Johnny said...

Nothing directly related to this post, but I got a t-shirt from their summer football camp back in 19(covers mouth and mumbles) that said, "South Carolina, out cocks are up and coming"!

all school said...

If Scrotie was any lamer, he'd be the new mascot at GTU.

That'd be a fine mascot for the Techsters, except that very few of them would have any idea what the hell he really was.

Dante said...

"very few of them would have any idea what the hell he really was"

The "Techsters" would know exactly what a mascot resembling male genetalia is supposed to be. Now if the mascot were supposed to look like female genetalia, I could see where you're coming from. Maybe a mascot named Labie...

Doug said...

u leg humpers got a lot of nerve, u almost lost to spurier and THE COCKS last year and u know it, i dare you to come to columbia this year and make fun of our mascott after we KICK YOU'RE ASSES........ SC 4EVER

Sorry, just wanted to try my hand at re-creating a typical Gamecock-fan comment on this site. How'd I do?

paulwesterdawg said...

Doug - I commend your work.

pwd

mr. egger said...

spelling's too good doug. and try sounded a little more trailer park.

Anonymous said...

What do you think the rotation will be like this weekend? Do we throw Westphal friday night?

Anonymous said...

Dude "trailer park"... have you been to Athens!

Anonymous said...

Incredible Post!! Georgia fans, who have a leghumping dog most famous for inbreeding as a mascot, (very representative of the state of Jawja, as well), making fun of a gamecock. I am going to print this and post it in my office with the label: "Irony is..."

Dawgnoxious said...

Anon: If you work in SC, be sure to also include a definition for irony.

Thanks for reading the blog, even if your mouth moves while you read it.

Doug said...

Glad to see that SC's class of 2009 has finally made it up to the "I Know You Are, But What Am I" unit in their Survey of Elementary-School Insults class. How many credit-hours do y'all get for that?

Anonymous said...

The "irony" is...zoning for "trailer parks" is not allowed in Athens. (Which is widely considered to be one of the best college towns in the U.S.)...

While South Carolina has the highest number of mobile homes per capita in the United States.

Where do you Cock people make up your insults? I can't think of anything where we're not better than you.

Dawgnoxious said...

C'mon Anon @ 3:11, if you can't think of areas in which the lamecocks surpass UGA, then you're just not applying yourself. A few:

1. bobbing for pig's feet
2. airbrushing
3. auto repair
4. riding immobilized train cars
5. pizza delivery

See? Those are points of pride in the palmetto bug state.

Anonymous said...

Two words: penal colony. Look it up, Georgia folks - it's your heritage...

Anonymous said...

This is what I'm talking about. Why do ONLY South Carolina fans bring that up? That's the lamest smack ever. Why would we be embarrassed of how our state was settled?

A: We're from Georgia, we're more apt to know our history than someone from South Carolina. So don't tell us to look it up.

B: If YOU looked it up, you'd find that this "penal colony" was envisioned for the deporting of debtors of sorts that were given land in the middle GA area for farming. It didn't really pan out that way... And it should be noted that many of these debtors moved to the upper Carolinas to settle those areas soon after. The coastal area of GA, Savannah and the Islands, were not part of this plan.

C: The entire country of Australia was set up as a penal colony. Maybe you can find one of their boards and give them a little jabbing as well since you can't get enough of this joke.

D: If you are going to continue this, you need to realize that it should be embarrassing to you that you are owned by said "penal colony" in every way.

E: If you are taking the "history" route, then someone will gladly post that history of Gamecock football that you all wait for each season.

Anonymous said...

eureka! i've found it!

B: If YOU looked it up, you'd find that this "penal colony" was envisioned for the deporting of debtors of sorts that were given land in the middle GA area for farming. It didn't really pan out that way... And it should be noted that many of these debtors moved to the upper Carolinas to settle those areas soon after. The coastal area of GA, Savannah and the Islands, were not part of this plan.

this explains the clemson folks AND the georgia folks. i've always wondered why they were the most obnoxious fans in all of football!

Anonymous said...

Debtors settling land = obnoxious football fans.

Cock logic at its best.

You really are the dumbest people on earth.

(...and you use the word "folks.")

phunkydawg said...

" tooth-less faces and ugly places" I hate South Carolina, we should blow it out into the ocean and make Augusta a beach town! and South Carolina fan's should'nt down on the great state of Georgia, after all Augusta and its beautiful golf course ( the 8th wonder of the world- The Augusta National)is the only reason that steve spurier came to Columbia! why else would he waste time on a pathetic football program other than Hootie giving him a club membership to do so.

Anonymous said...

you Georgia fans are right about one thing "Yall sure do Love licking our Cocks!!!"

Dawgnoxious said...

Clearly a s. carolina fan who flames the comments section but lacks the testicular fortitude to identify herself is the real irony of their dinky mascot.

Anonymous said...

i haven't heard so much talk about cocks, balls, nads and testicles since the b52s and michael stipe came out of athens. guess there's more where that came from? maybe somebody should warn your husbands and boyfriends of your fascination with other peoples' privates...

Anonymous said...

LMAO! Great find Paul & Saxon...

Check this out from the school's Wikipedia page -
"In 2000, a new basketball team was formed under the name 'Balls' to complement the ice hockey team, each with its own slogan: "When the heat is on, the Balls stick together"

 
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